Friday, December 07, 2007


There should be an "I love you" key on the keyboard. Look at these keys: why do we have two sets of 'shift', 'control', 'alt', and 'apple' keys when the phrase "I love you" is typed the most on the keyboard and yet not one key is created to simplify the process? Maybe not on "the" keyboard, but enough peoples' keyboards...

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Unfathomable doesn't mean mysterious and incomprehensible. It means mysterious and incomprehensible.

Steal my heart and hold my tongue
I feel my time, my time has come
Let me in, unlock the door
I've never felt this way before

I remember when Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's rendition of "Over the Rainbow" came on, I felt an overwhelming flow of tears rush to my eyes, watering my cheeks, dampening his shirt as I held him and he held me. 8 months going on 9 and not a day passes that I don't think of him, that I don't feel that overwhelming feeling want to overcome me. It's not always tears. It usually comes in the form of a stupid smile. The type of smile I tend to get when something in the supermarket reminds me of the time we baked cookies together for the first time. In the past I always measured the worth of the relationship to how much the guy would do for me. Gifts & trips is what they reduced to. But there's no measure for this because it's like the last thing in those Mastercard commercials: priceless.

Saturday, November 24, 2007


I: I think my game ends around 10 o'clock...
L: Is that am or pm? [I. doesn't hear L.'s question]
I: Er, yeah, my game starts at 9 [momentary pause] O'clock
L: Is that am or PM?!
I: Oh, pm.
L: I love how you made the effort to remember to tack on the o'clock even though that's a useless word that tells me nothing...!
I: Well I'm never awake before noon so the only time for a chance of AM/PM overlap is like 1 or 2!
L: [shifty-eyes]

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Relativity & Humanness

Imagination is more important than knowledge. The purpose of human life is to serve and to show compassion and the will to help others. Creativity is the ability to introduce order into the randomness of nature. Life is an exciting business and most exciting when it is lived for others. You cannot do much about the length of your life, but you can do a lot about its depth and width. -Albert Einstein, Charles Baudelaire, Albert Schweitzer, Eric Hoffer, Helen Keller, and Evan Esar

I came across that quote on John Maeda's website. TED talks have been my latest obsession and through TED, I was introduced to John Maeda and his talk about simplicity, which led me to read about his book on The Laws of Simplicity, which led me to think about the idea of relativity.

It seems simple enough: everything in our lives is based on one comparison or another. We experience happiness because we've experienced sadness. We feel stupid sometimes because we've felt smarter in other times. I used to think that our experiences in life are purely based on relativity, until I thought about babies. New-borns come into this world not having experienced anything until they find themselves gasping for air, which, by their crying, indicates displeasure. So when you really think about it, life isn't so relative when you're talking about pain & pleasure because innately, our bodies discern between the two right when we're born. But then how does the body decide what is painful and what is pleasurable? Going back to my point about a crying baby coming out of a mother's womb, I guess you could say that what ever hinders us from basic needs of being alive is considered painful and/or unpleasant. So then what about pleasure? Continuing on with my need-to-live explanation on pain, I guess pleasure is anything that enhances our desire to live. But I don't really like that explanation... seems a little strange to say that we feel the desire to live at such a young innocent age. So how do you explain why babies smile and laugh? It's hard. Maybe it's because I'm talking about humans as if we're just a simple cell struggling to survive and forgetting that perhaps we innately know about happiness and pleasure because that's what makes us human.

Monday, October 29, 2007

The Past, Present, Future

Lately I've been feeling all of the above colliding into one. Packing old things, going through keepsakes from high school and university, seeing photos of some ex's, figuring out what I need to do now...planning how certain things should be executed on my behalf while I'm gone. Shit, it's a mess. And what's worse is that I'm stuck writing this on one of those ergonomic keyboards because I shipped my iMac today. The one with the normal rectangular keyboards. Rectangular... that looks like a funny word. Rect-angular. If someone designed that word to have the word angular following the letters r-e-c-t, then what is "rect-" supposed to mean? Or does the angular bit give it meaning? And are words "designed"? I guess not really since I'm sure lexicographers don't sit there with the alphabet and see what they can come up with like an artist with paints. I digress.

I've moved so much just within the last 7 years of my life but the moves that really have an impact on me are the ones where I have to pack my life. My lives. The past ones and future ones. Vacation-packing makes me think about my immediate needs and being able to fulfill them while still being minimalistic and non-sentimental. The trip I prepare to embark on in 2 days asked more of me. The past few days of packing involved packing my life in O town, picking out the essentials while keeping a few superfluous personal things on hand because I'll be very far away in both time and geographical space and to be that far with no sentimental knick-knacks to look at makes the idea of this trip seem quite empty.

Going back to the talk about seeing photos of ex's, it's been an interesting.. journey, I guess you could say. It's just weird looking at me alongside another guy. The smile isn't quite as bright. The guy I'm glad to say is a part of history. But when I think about it, my life wouldn't be where it is without those guys. Everyone you meet in life serves a purpose to your journey in life. Some are just there to point out a direction for you. And of course the others walk with you to hold a light for you. Taking a step back to look at the past, present, and future of your life always gives you an interesting view.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

What I've Learned...

One person can make a difference.

It can always be worse.

Laugh often & always smile.

Schools are a.k.a. 'institutions' for a reason.

Change is life.

Something that was inspired by one of the talks I saw on TED.

The picture below always makes me laugh. I had a stupid moment and my friend did me the honor of pictorially depicting that stupidity. Nothing to do with anything, but I guess it keeps in theme with my entry title because once upon a time I learned that ducks do not hatch from chicken eggs.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Autumn Leaves

Autumn always reminds me of change. And it reminds me to look for the beauty in the change. Although I flutter away and get buried under a blanket of snow, I'll nevertheless be back when the sun is warmer and the days are longer. So I look forward to the day I return, hopefully, a little more wiser.

Friday, September 14, 2007

It was sabotage.

But only subconsciously. I did it because being in the middle of nowhere for an indefinite amount of time is not where I want to be at this point in my life. Before my heart settled down, I was ready to dive into anything and everything. I needed that constant change because I guess in a way that gives my heart more of a chance to find 'the one'. I took for granted that my family and long-time friends would always be there to pick me up from the airport upon my return. But then you find the one and you begin to appreciate everyone in your life and you begin to reign in your leaps and bounds. You realize there's a greater benefit to being close to the people you love than there is to taking greater and greater chances with your career. I don't know what I want at this point, but I know who at least.

Friday, September 07, 2007


Funny thing: this piece wasn't created with any drawing tool. It's a mosaic/collage using ripped up pieces of magazine paper. I made it as a case cover for a mix cd I had.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Blank pages

are all that sit before me. I've got 60 pencil crayons, 16 pastels, 12 Staedtler sketching pencils, and 8 water color paints. And still: just a book of blank pages. After everything, I still feel like I can't put anything down on this page. Sometimes it's easier when you've just got one pencil: no choice in colors or style. Nothing to choose but what to put down on the blank page. But now, in addition to that ultimate question, I've got to choose what to use, what color, where do I start connecting drawing tool to paper...

The greatest artists were influenced by their times, either to depict what was happening or to depict their wildest dreams or their perception of what reality of the time was. I've got everything they've got, except that defining time, that influence. Sometimes freedom of choice is a curse.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

My Romance

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities, or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.

Aside from the declarations of love that I get via text, there were a lot of 90's songs at work today. So yeah, it was a good day.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Stuck between a bulge and squishy place.

When I ride the streetcar, I like to sit right by the rear doors because the drivers get anal about people exiting from the front and it's usually packed, so my optimal seat is one where I can slip out the back doors without fighting through the people standing. Ideally, the aisle seat right in front of the doors is where I'd sit. Today, that seat was probably the least optimal of all. To my right was a large man who overflowed past the border of his seat into mine. But you know what, I can deal with that: I just sit slightly off the seat to give the guy more space. But wait! To my left I later found a man whose crotch height reached up to my face. So I found myself in this awkward position of having my body avoid contact with the entity to my right and my head avoiding the crotch on my left (See figure below). And I don't know if it was the moving streetcar and his instability or what, but twice I found his crotch fractions of an inch away from touching my face.

Note to self: just stand for the 5 streetcar stops. It's better to be caught plastered between people and being face-to-face with them than to be crotch-to-face with them.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Long time

it has been since I last wrote a blog where I just talked, ranted, expressed. I almost forget how because I got used to restraining my words, minimizing details, to the point where nothing was really said.

So where do I begin...

Love. Many, including I, have doubted its existence. Based on experience and what I have witnessed in my life, I really believed that "the one" was the person you could endure the most. Yup. Endure. Endurance was my take on love. All my past relationships were about seeing how long it could last. I recently went home and read through my diary that I usually only write in once or twice a year (just because I only end up at home once or twice a year). In it I found an entry about my failed relationship with boy-toy #3. I said, "I thought we'd last until New Year's at least." Thought we'd last until... That is how I viewed my relationships: assigning self-predicted expiry dates and only being heart-broken not because it ended, but because it ended before I thought it would. It's messed up. I know that only now though. They say that true love is the kind that turns your world upside-down. The kind where it makes you smile uncontrollably just thinking about. Where it makes others jealous when you talk about it. When you feel like you've walked into the ending scene of any Hollywood love story and life is just, well, happily-ever-after. That is what love should be. And I know that now. I feel it. You know love exists when something so emotionally-rooted begins to make you physically feel those emotions. I don't think you could say that you've ever really been in love until you could say that you're done finding out if there's someone better out there because you've got someone who is beyond what you thought is as good as it could get.

To me, he is everything I've got because he makes me want to give him everything I've got.