Thursday, August 16, 2007

My Romance

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities, or pride; so I love you because I know no other way.

Aside from the declarations of love that I get via text, there were a lot of 90's songs at work today. So yeah, it was a good day.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Stuck between a bulge and squishy place.

When I ride the streetcar, I like to sit right by the rear doors because the drivers get anal about people exiting from the front and it's usually packed, so my optimal seat is one where I can slip out the back doors without fighting through the people standing. Ideally, the aisle seat right in front of the doors is where I'd sit. Today, that seat was probably the least optimal of all. To my right was a large man who overflowed past the border of his seat into mine. But you know what, I can deal with that: I just sit slightly off the seat to give the guy more space. But wait! To my left I later found a man whose crotch height reached up to my face. So I found myself in this awkward position of having my body avoid contact with the entity to my right and my head avoiding the crotch on my left (See figure below). And I don't know if it was the moving streetcar and his instability or what, but twice I found his crotch fractions of an inch away from touching my face.

Note to self: just stand for the 5 streetcar stops. It's better to be caught plastered between people and being face-to-face with them than to be crotch-to-face with them.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Long time

it has been since I last wrote a blog where I just talked, ranted, expressed. I almost forget how because I got used to restraining my words, minimizing details, to the point where nothing was really said.

So where do I begin...

Love. Many, including I, have doubted its existence. Based on experience and what I have witnessed in my life, I really believed that "the one" was the person you could endure the most. Yup. Endure. Endurance was my take on love. All my past relationships were about seeing how long it could last. I recently went home and read through my diary that I usually only write in once or twice a year (just because I only end up at home once or twice a year). In it I found an entry about my failed relationship with boy-toy #3. I said, "I thought we'd last until New Year's at least." Thought we'd last until... That is how I viewed my relationships: assigning self-predicted expiry dates and only being heart-broken not because it ended, but because it ended before I thought it would. It's messed up. I know that only now though. They say that true love is the kind that turns your world upside-down. The kind where it makes you smile uncontrollably just thinking about. Where it makes others jealous when you talk about it. When you feel like you've walked into the ending scene of any Hollywood love story and life is just, well, happily-ever-after. That is what love should be. And I know that now. I feel it. You know love exists when something so emotionally-rooted begins to make you physically feel those emotions. I don't think you could say that you've ever really been in love until you could say that you're done finding out if there's someone better out there because you've got someone who is beyond what you thought is as good as it could get.

To me, he is everything I've got because he makes me want to give him everything I've got.