Saturday, August 11, 2007

Long time

it has been since I last wrote a blog where I just talked, ranted, expressed. I almost forget how because I got used to restraining my words, minimizing details, to the point where nothing was really said.

So where do I begin...

Love. Many, including I, have doubted its existence. Based on experience and what I have witnessed in my life, I really believed that "the one" was the person you could endure the most. Yup. Endure. Endurance was my take on love. All my past relationships were about seeing how long it could last. I recently went home and read through my diary that I usually only write in once or twice a year (just because I only end up at home once or twice a year). In it I found an entry about my failed relationship with boy-toy #3. I said, "I thought we'd last until New Year's at least." Thought we'd last until... That is how I viewed my relationships: assigning self-predicted expiry dates and only being heart-broken not because it ended, but because it ended before I thought it would. It's messed up. I know that only now though. They say that true love is the kind that turns your world upside-down. The kind where it makes you smile uncontrollably just thinking about. Where it makes others jealous when you talk about it. When you feel like you've walked into the ending scene of any Hollywood love story and life is just, well, happily-ever-after. That is what love should be. And I know that now. I feel it. You know love exists when something so emotionally-rooted begins to make you physically feel those emotions. I don't think you could say that you've ever really been in love until you could say that you're done finding out if there's someone better out there because you've got someone who is beyond what you thought is as good as it could get.

To me, he is everything I've got because he makes me want to give him everything I've got.