Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Marriage vs. Wedding

So I.S. & I are getting hitched in less than 2 weeks. Even though we've played it down a lot, I thought it was important to document this stepping-stone in our lives at some point. Only our nearest & dearest know thus far (the parents, siblings, and bestest of best friends). Why such a quiet approach to what most consider one-of-the-biggest-milestones-in-life? Because we don't want it to take away from the proposal & wedding celebration that is to come later. Because to us this is just a legality that we need to get done for reasons that need not be mentioned here. It's not the way we want to celebrate our union so we're saving the celebration for later, when we're more settled in our post-grad grown-up lives. It works for us because when we get around to our wedding celebration, we don't want to have to worry about our officiant sending in our papers or our witnesses signing in the right spot. We don't want to have to worry about our marriage license expiry date and timing that with venue bookings etc. It removes a stress from our later wedding celebration. It's unconventional and highly practical and many don't understand, but being unconventional and highly practical are what I.S. & I are all about. With the legalities out of the way, we can be 110% pumped for the celebration to follow because that's *all * it will be: one of the biggest parties we'll throw for ourselves and a time for us to reaffirm our commitment to one another (in a more romantic way, as opposed to a legal way). To the people who said, "even though you want to keep this on the D.L., it's still a big deal and I'm excited/happy for you," yes, it is a big legal deal because that is all that is happening on October 2nd. I suppose you could say that we've consciously extracted the legality out of the conventional approach to marriage/weddings but why not?

In light of our highly practical natures, we opted for titanium rings because titanium is strong, economical and does the job. I.S. got the ring below in 5mm width (picture is 4mm width) and I got the one pictured last. The husband from titaniumknights is alleged to have made our rings this morning, which means they should be on their way later this week =)
H. was strongly opposed to online ring purchases, which I can appreciate given the concerns she raised, but I loved that I had the opportunity to support the Etsy community so I had to take it. Overstock.com had some super-discounted titanium rings in I.S.'s size, but it felt more personal buying from Etsy as opposed to a big online store, which made me feel excited about the purchase, especially when I can imagine a couple hand-making our rings in their studio/shop/home.

So why get rings if this is just a legality? I guess we contradict ourselves a little in this respect, but it was still important for me that we had something to show for October 2nd besides a piece of paper. And because the rings do symbolize unity in a marriage and that is what October 2nd still is: a marriage.

I guess this post was mostly inspired from all the opinions and perceptions people who know about October 2nd have cast on us and I needed to get it off my chest because sometimes I feel like I need to defend the way we're doing this, which I shouldn't have to, but our culture has put this idea of marriage/weddings in our heads that I feel is threatening our approach because it doesn't conform to that norm. But having read so many wedding blogs (especially the likes of APW), it's empowered me to write this post because the bottom line to this post is that we are different from other couples and thus going to do things differently and I just needed to get that out there.