Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Almost-anniversary

A life-milestone is coming up and making me reflect on the past year. The 1st marriage anniversary, that is. "What have I learned from being married?" is one question that comes to mind.

I guess to be fair, I will save my response for after we return from the anniversary festivities, but just to get started, some other questions that come to mind are,

What, if anything, has changed about me/us/him?
Would I have done anything different?
Do I regret not having a "real" wedding?

I think I'll tackle that last question now because it seems to come up whenever I mention the county clerk marriage day.



I don't. I did, but I don't anymore.

I did because the WIC makes every woman think a wedding is a given in a girl's lifetime. The dress, the bridesmaids, the groom, the bride, the cake, the favors, the honeymoon. After months of being guilted by these outside forces, I decided I had enough. I began to ask "why?" (that is my favorite question, a question that earned me my one & only detention in high school, actually). Why do we have weddings? Why is a "wedding' so formulaic? Why am I stressing about what to "give away" at our potential wedding? Why should any couple have to do any sort of "favor", even if it's a donation? After which point I decided it wasn't me. I decided that the vows we exchanged in the county clerk office that was next to the cafeteria where our two best friends were our witnesses was fulfilling enough. That little ceremony was a perfect reflection of who we are as a couple. We're not glitzy or always looking our best, but at the end of the day, we're present for one another.

At this point, I think foregoing a "real" wedding was the right thing to do for us, given the circumstances. I would not have enjoyed the past year as much as I did had I been stressing over wedding planning. I think I would've felt guilty about all the snowboarding & camping & climbing gear we bought because I would've felt pressure to "save up" for the wedding.  Don't get me wrong though: I think weddings are beautiful. I think if given the time & resources, I would've loved planning our wedding because there are so many creative outlets in wedding planning that I would've just soaked right up. I love all the design aspects of a wedding, so it's not to say I won't ever have a wedding-esque party. I definitely intend to have a vow renewal ceremony down the road when we're completely settled in life because I think it would be nice to take time to pause and reflect upon our relationship. It'll be at a time when we can have exactly what we want because we'll be settled and our lives will be established and we can do whatever we want, versus now where I feel like we have an obligation to work on being settled (and still working on that).

I'll take on the other 2 questions as I ponder more on our up-coming anniversary.

In the meantime, what should I wear for our anniversary dinner??